先講第一單野﹕發惡夢...
紅球當日(即今早零晨)﹐做了一個很是怪異的夢。夢見自己收到某HRM電話﹐要我幫手做d野。
我聞言﹐好奇﹐說我正在行將離職VL﹐有野做請搵第二個。
某HRM聽畢﹐報以尖酸刻薄的說話一句﹕小姐你一日係受僱於我地﹐一日都要跟order黎turnout。再者我幾時approve過你VL﹖
我話﹕有無搞錯﹐公司都無野比我做﹐我V唔VL都係唔使做架啦﹗
於是某HRM就問﹕你而家晌邊度返工﹖
我話﹕HKI囉。
某HRM話﹕無問題﹐你聽日開始黎我寫字樓返工。
我話﹕我唔識做你地d admin野﹐太深奧喇。
某HRM話﹕that's okay﹐你負責聽下電話都okay。我都唔怕話你知﹐個原則係你唔可以因為想resign就自己VL。
我心諗... 下星期﹖下星期要考試鄱... 點去你度聽電話呀﹖我會比艾力批個頭落黎架﹗
於是我同某HRM講﹕實情就咁﹐我下星期要考試﹐基本上無論如何都無可能返工﹐你有興趣既可以同我新僱主聯絡﹐佢會向你解釋返事情既始末。
點知某HRM話﹕小姐﹐我check返我地份contract﹐如果根據你咁講呢﹐係你violate個terms of condition在先﹐我地係可以sue你。
我話﹕civil claim呢d野喇wor... 請你等等﹐我去搵個同你對嘴形既人同你傾下。
如是這收左線之後﹐鏡頭一轉我又入左牛生間房扭耳仔兼被省到蠟蠟令。之後就醒左 _||||。

發埋個咁既夢... 怪只怪我對tort law太沉迷之故﹖(但係明明呢期既main focus應個係company attack  _▃ || )

保障篇﹕跟蕭思江跳飯碗舞

老是開空頭支票嚷著要離開﹐那還款期卻一再寬限。“等出埋backpay先啦”﹑“等過埋呢關先啦”﹑“等年尾跳一個point先啦”﹑“等媽媽退休先啦”... 種種excuse無非因為我無本事找到一個更好option去保障我的收入來源。從前的我不是這樣的﹐我是semi socialist﹐對金錢並非如此看重﹑勢利眼。但在這“目標”推動下﹐最近真的把工作視為單純的一份工作﹐我不再講理想了... 噫﹐難怪motivation如此強勁。其實﹐假若回到老本行﹐在咖啡店裡當打雜﹐整天跟百曉生店東胡扯一番探討人生百態﹐或者會更開心也未可知。

不能夠對錢不著緊﹐原因是﹐錢能為工作者提供最有效的動力(及在能力範圍所限跟權力二字沾不上邊時﹐成為最有效的春藥)。也就是說﹐是生命最好的保障。恆指動不動跌600點﹐一不留神身家便蒸發了一半﹐而一直以來投資的第三世界funds亦好像從未升過...  那畢MPF﹐depreciate得只淨下HKD1850.90。我的天。

因此﹐要保障收入來源﹐就先要保住我的飯碗。
突然間﹐我感受到從未有過的mood 去提醒自己要努力。哈。

保衛篇﹕不凸的金鐘罩

我的自我保衛意識﹐說實在的﹐真的不到家。老師談起那一年在heathrow 遇上IRA﹐我在坐位上輕吟“愛爾蘭”﹐鄰座的好同學不凸即時舉手說Irish Republican Army。結果﹐老師說﹕不凸你果然是高材生。

然後﹐在午飯時段﹐我跟好同學不凸談起陳太退選﹐你怎樣看最新形勢發展﹖好同學架開了放護罩﹐對我說﹕其實我不關心本地政治。我只對國際關係感興趣﹐關於本地的東西我真的不懂得評論。

我由衷地配服好同學的轉數之高﹐亦終於明白為何他討厭獨孤求敗- 是吃不到的葡萄吧。好同學﹐祝福你官運亨通。

最高的表態姿態應該是不表態。我沒有犯戒﹐我只在solicit不凸表態﹐豈料他卻調轉頭比個tum我踩。看來我得多加鍛煉直覺上的自我保護意識。

難得返西環hea﹐菜婆婆話我個樣好似老左十幾年。但我今年先至得23歲~
過完一關又一關。好厭倦辦公室政治。好想惡夢快些完結。

2. 呢排又識左好多做 layout design既人... 吹水吹得好爽。
心諗﹐點解我唔真係讀返張dip然後去explore下個market有無生存空間比倒我﹖

3. 我好清楚自己﹐任性﹑情緒化同孩子氣呢d缺點﹐要改﹐就十年前以經改左啦。in a way﹐我都覺得找我我去做management野係幾恐怖。所以有時覺得﹐唔可以完全怪晒KFC對我有prejudice。可能﹐我真係有好多野教呢個人看不過眼。前幾日呢﹐居然發夢我送左幅畫比佢﹐跟住佢就感動到喊。而夢境﹐當然係事實既相反啦。現實之中﹐我比條友harsh到喊倒是有的。要我送幅畫比佢﹖我唔認為條友身上有任何細胞係懂得品評藝術架囉。所以我對佢黑面對佢手下笑﹐我認即使係問題在我﹐都只錯在你令我太難受所以我要對第二個人狂笑黎平衡返唔平衡既心理。我夠膽死公開講﹕KFC 你去do chicken right 啦你。好期待同條友撕破臉既日子﹐恩恩怨怨一筆清。(其實只有怨怨﹐你我之間又何來恩﹖~)

4. 我唔認為女人必須要在tough 或soft之間take side。as long as我知道自己做緊乜﹐我喜歡用咩approach﹐何必跟晒你地男人那一套﹖tough 同soft我當然識得分啦﹐但係如果個男同女既approach都係一樣﹐那上蒼何必創造男和女﹖我tough起上黎好恐怖架﹐但我唔覺得呢個moment 去demonstrate my toughness係an appropriate use of force nor the minimum force necessary to achieve the purpose 囉。

5. 同袍之間最近新興一個寸人術語叫做“門面設計”﹐意思係指某人擺門的功夫一流。擺門一字其實非常中性﹐並不具褒或貶意。但我聽落﹐就百般滋味在心頭喇。

6. encl. 寫到大家已經唔感興趣既照肺語錄 for your perusal please﹕--
時﹕2008-07-03  0800
地﹕操場
人﹕mark-time中的我﹑艾力
艾﹕點解呢排你d成績好似過山車咁﹖
na﹕()
艾﹕唔好做個咁既表情呀﹐我好認真唔係同你講笑*
(* in bold 代表呢句野已經唔係第一次聽~)
na﹕sorry sir...
艾﹕你呢﹐小小野就影響倒你既心情﹐唔可以咁架﹗我覺得你得架﹐你要話比人知你得架﹗
na﹕sorry sir...
點解﹖你不如問KFC 13/6 那日講過﹑做過d咩啦。我好想成枝紅酒兜頭爆佢樽架﹐唔係講笑。
interview時已經同呀朱咁講架啦。讀書如果唔係靠mood﹐應該靠咩呢請問﹖而寫到呢度﹐我亦都鐘於明白... 其實有份工好適合我... 個title叫做Wong Kar-wai. (好似仲有間四仔production house叫做mood pictures﹐唔知請唔請人呢喂﹖)

沒有共產黨﹐就沒有新中國
偉大的人民解放軍解放了新中國
人民在偉大祖國的懷抱中安樂的生活﹗

除左欣宜首直覺之外
呢兩日再腦海裡回蕩得最勁既歌...

沒有共產黨﹐就沒有新中國...

連“愛我中華”都唔夠呢首歌揮。

哈﹐又到七一。as you said, it's glorious.

想家想到瘋了。好掛住公公呀﹗

要化。就要識冷眼旁觀。
我本來都識。
卻偏偏要被拉下水。冷眼旁觀就會比人話唔識趣。
唉。i love this  funny world.

頓悟。走在後面既人﹐個個都係身不由己為勢所逼由良變娼。只係時間問題。我當初一心諗住i don't give a damn﹐到最後謹有既motivation原來又係淨返名利權。諗野一旦諗偏左而又明知係mission impossible﹐就會淨低痛苦。撇除名利權既desire以外我仲點樣可以利用自己既生命去換d意義返黎呢﹖

“Behold people on earth: I've travelled far and finally get to discover the true meaning of life: THOU SHOULD LOVE THE TENTACLES!”-- Philip J. Fry, tentacle pope-- from Futurama: The beast with a billion backs

不過話時話﹐呢幾日好開心﹐開心到即使在泳池恭候我既人由源哥變成忠哥或更worse的michael﹐我都可以笑得出。

開心事一﹕泳術大躍進。返stanley smith游水﹐發現我已經快過好多左右隔離。成就感-->wonderful。而且事隔N個月再玩返三項鐵人﹐已經無左當初快要窒息既感覺。哈。

開心事二﹕去headquarter聽talk﹐望住人來人往既金鐘﹐就好似置身一條時光遂道。諗起marcus喂我食名都西米布甸。哈哈。話時話kelvin個樣同呀邊個好鬼似... 錚d叫錯

行文之際﹐正呷著一口濃濃的莫卡黑咖啡。其實﹐黑咖啡在我身上早已失去藥用功效﹐但不能抹殺的是﹐品味咖啡的那個過程﹐本身依然是一種感觀享受。

推薦紅嚐坊這家店子。灣仔店裡的兩名店鋪助理分別是一名陽光氣的大男孩和一位樣貌標緻的好姑娘。大男孩對於各國咖啡豆都有認識﹐對顧客又細心﹐早已牢記我的麻煩選購喜好﹐體貼入眉。若要選老公﹐我想他也是個不錯的選擇吧。而好姑娘呢﹐面對有選擇恐懼症的我﹐懂得向我發問不同的問題來替我分析我這天最缺少的食物品種是哪一項﹐亦替我省下不少猶疑的時間。好姑娘的志願是當設計師﹐在咖啡店工作的目的也是為了儲錢報讀學費不菲的設計課程﹐誠心的祝福她能早日達成願望吧。

八號風神﹐來得真合時呢。這天心情挺懷﹐所以自個兒閉關﹐也是件好事。

昨天被一個我一直以為是好人的女同事狠狠的耍了。這年頭﹐真是人心難測。當然﹐這位女事主的人生歷連﹑工作經驗比小妹我多得多﹐要玩弄我﹐自然不費吹灰之力。

常常想﹐為何這些人並非修政治﹐但玩政治的方法卻如斯高明呢﹖卻原來﹐是我的根本邏輯搞錯了。這些人所鑽研的乃是科學化的“權術”﹐以及副修外語“攻心說話系”﹐而據我所知﹐母校香港大學﹐好像並未有相關的課程提供﹔此刻便即使欲進修﹐也不知該往哪兒去拿一份prospectus。

又輕了幾公斤。
但整個人看上去很不健康。
我指的是心理上。

想離開的原因﹐並非我不投入﹐是這個世界的運行法則- 尤其是弱肉強食這一環﹐教我看不過眼。

近日媽媽一直抱恙﹐為著無關痛痒的應酬而浪費了與她共渡生日的機會﹐真教人納悶。

KC開罪了我﹐路人皆知。可以的話﹐我多想當面賞他一個耳光﹐然後指著他的那一副臭嘴臉說一聲“in your face!”
但﹐這是個人主觀慾望。

然後﹐因為KC﹐作晚鬧得很不愉快。我很想灌醉自己﹐然後借酒行兇﹐然後﹐哼哼... ~  最後不但醉不了﹐還弄得滿身通紅。雖然革命尚未成功﹐至少達成了一半目的- 也就是向周太宣泄﹐即intimidation 裡 alarm的效果﹐倒也不錯。

世界真細小小小﹐這世界卻偏充斥著很多小朋友﹐當真光怪陸璃。把自己吃不到的葡萄說成是酸的﹐本來也傷不到旁人﹔但有些人卻要連吃葡萄的人也一拼批判。我當真不明白﹐你既然認為葡萄是酸的﹐那麼那個吃葡萄的傢伙所吃的也頂多是一顆酸葡萄吧﹖這有甚麼好批判的﹖ 無私顯見私﹐這其實更證明你這位小朋友氣量不夠之余更加是技不如人﹐衰多兩錢重。

想溝鬼佬﹖返去讀多兩年英文先啦﹗衛斯理學院畢業﹖超。

半醉之間﹐在吧台跟一名阿富汗client 討論銀行業務走勢。對他的負面評語﹐深感不是味兒不能認同。總覺得﹐商界所給于我的虛榮感﹐比十個盛智文compliments加起來的總和更加讓人鼓舞。

虛榮 vs mace of honour。真真假假﹐不過是錢幣的兩面。

我﹐兩者都貪慕。

在一個過份壓抑的環境裡活膩了﹐腦筋會變得不靈活。但﹐這也未必會對我那片單純的心境構成甚麼大的影響。

言而﹐當看盡了形形式式局限於表面上的所謂班爛絢麗以後﹐就開始反思﹐去到最後的結局﹐跟當初所憧景的﹐會否有偏差。

或許﹐世上真的有人願意為五萬﹑八萬元的薪酬而淪為奴才。又或許﹐他們當初的想法﹐跟當天的我也很類近。在這裡﹐每一個人都是為上級服務。在下屬面前呼喝裝官樣﹐看見上級﹐便頓時變臉﹐順服得像綿羊﹐忠誠得像家犬﹐兩者相加﹐造就出一種叫官宦的半生物。

有人跟我說﹐這就叫做紀律。忽然想起﹐曾經有人經常說我欠缺紀律。或者﹐套用在這個場合﹐這樣形容會更為貼切些。

早知道想在這樣一個環境“盡展所長﹑貢獻社會”﹐就如同痴人夢囈﹔但年輕的心就是蠢蠢欲動想去放手試一次。

現在﹐可好﹖

心裡面一直有數把聲音在擾恙。我何嘗不知道所謂權力核心就應當是這樣子﹖一邊想要接近這核心﹐一邊想耍清高﹐另一把聲音卻在不斷反問自己- 都走到這一步了﹐值得嗎﹖

活在這片大觀園當中﹐一切都不由自主。耳語間的蜚短流長﹑耳濡目染﹐見識到權力﹐不論多寡﹐均足以令人徹底腐化。而眼前唯一可肯定的是﹐再繼續沉淪下去﹐我一直忍以為傲的那一丁點獨立思維﹐必然會遭受蠶食。

到時候﹐得到了partially想要的﹐卻失去了majority的自己。也是這個問題- 值得嗎﹖

記得當日﹐我說過我不會被“經濟/物質上的利益”而局限我的思路。一轉頭﹐所說的“當日”﹐原來已成為歷史了。

http://www.hmv.com.hk/product/dvd.asp?sku=33887

不過最好有人送

唔想玩。
真係唔想玩喇﹗﹗﹗﹗﹗

http://blog.absolutearts.com/blogs/archives/00000305.html

Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word

If you lack this, get a publisher. It's that simple. Either you possess it like you possess artistic talent, or you don't. Ambition is not a technique you can study to improve upon. It's either or it's not simple as that. It's an innate trait built into your DNA. Yes, we all have it to some extent, but you know what I'm talking about the burning desire to enjoy success and be somebody come hell or high water. ?Barney Davey

I swear this guy took the words straight from my mouth. "Come Hell or high water" is my trademark. ?EC Stewart

There will always be a line between what is considered ine art?and what is not and what is considered useum quality?and what is not. I previously blogged here about posterity versus prosperity and the difficulties encountered by artists who dare to have it all. It interesting how some artists are seen as greedy and too commercial when others who are baldly and openly ambitious are celebrated. Fame is fickle, there is no denying that. One thing those useum bound?artists and those who are stuck doing shows like ArtExpo New York have is they are all ambitious.

To a degree, ambition helps some artists separate themselves from the pack when talent alone would not. How often do we witness artists with far less talent and far more ambition than most climb to the top of the heap? That is not to say some of the most talented haven received appropriate accolades; they have. Still worthy others lacking good fortune or ambition or both remain in the grey abyss of the unknown artist.

There is no scientific method measuring talent or ambition. Yet, even casual observers have no trouble recognizing either attribute. When you find ample quantities of both in the same person, likely only bad luck or adversity keeps that person from enjoying great success. Find someone lacking in either, especially ambition and they may be living the life of the starving artist, or hobbyist artist.
Speaking of ArtExpo, it was recently announced by show management that the Decor Expo component was moving out of the Javits Center in Manhattan to the Baltimore Convention Center. Further, the dates for the latter show are now slated for April. This is not a good development for the art tradeshow scene.

The synergy of having the two shows running concurrently in New York was what helped make both shows successful for nearly 30 years. I wrote about this in detail on my Amazon blog. I mention it here because I was reminded recently when I saw the Picture Framing and Art Industry Event Calendar published by Vivian Kistler.

Vivian is a dynamo who has been conducting educational workshops and seminars for galleries and picture framers since the 1980s. If you haven seen her speak, youe missed a great opportunity to learn valuable information about running a gallery or picture framing shop. Go to her site www.columbapublishing.com for an idea of what she does.

What strikes me when I view the Event Planner is the lack of tradeshow opportunities for fledgling artists and art publishers. The tradeshow circuit is where most of the successful artists and publishers in the print business learned the tricks of the trade. They learned from their customers and each other.

At one point, not that long ago, there were eight Decor Expo, nee ABC shows, two PPFA shows, two or three ArtExpo shows available to help promote the wholesale art and picture framing business to the retail base. That dynamic is gone. What is left is a question mark. Getting one art to market has always been difficult, but at least the roadmap was fairly well defined. These days, it takes more pioneering than ever to figure out how to make a go of it.

Imports, the Internet and big boxes are roiling the retail base. How an artist navigates the current situation is the subject of another blog, or book for that matter. But one thing will be constant regardless of the terrain needed to travel to destination success and that is ambition.