要化。就要識冷眼旁觀。
我本來都識。
卻偏偏要被拉下水。冷眼旁觀就會比人話唔識趣。
唉。i love this  funny world.

頓悟。走在後面既人﹐個個都係身不由己為勢所逼由良變娼。只係時間問題。我當初一心諗住i don't give a damn﹐到最後謹有既motivation原來又係淨返名利權。諗野一旦諗偏左而又明知係mission impossible﹐就會淨低痛苦。撇除名利權既desire以外我仲點樣可以利用自己既生命去換d意義返黎呢﹖

“Behold people on earth: I've travelled far and finally get to discover the true meaning of life: THOU SHOULD LOVE THE TENTACLES!”-- Philip J. Fry, tentacle pope-- from Futurama: The beast with a billion backs

不過話時話﹐呢幾日好開心﹐開心到即使在泳池恭候我既人由源哥變成忠哥或更worse的michael﹐我都可以笑得出。

開心事一﹕泳術大躍進。返stanley smith游水﹐發現我已經快過好多左右隔離。成就感-->wonderful。而且事隔N個月再玩返三項鐵人﹐已經無左當初快要窒息既感覺。哈。

開心事二﹕去headquarter聽talk﹐望住人來人往既金鐘﹐就好似置身一條時光遂道。諗起marcus喂我食名都西米布甸。哈哈。話時話kelvin個樣同呀邊個好鬼似... 錚d叫錯

行文之際﹐正呷著一口濃濃的莫卡黑咖啡。其實﹐黑咖啡在我身上早已失去藥用功效﹐但不能抹殺的是﹐品味咖啡的那個過程﹐本身依然是一種感觀享受。

推薦紅嚐坊這家店子。灣仔店裡的兩名店鋪助理分別是一名陽光氣的大男孩和一位樣貌標緻的好姑娘。大男孩對於各國咖啡豆都有認識﹐對顧客又細心﹐早已牢記我的麻煩選購喜好﹐體貼入眉。若要選老公﹐我想他也是個不錯的選擇吧。而好姑娘呢﹐面對有選擇恐懼症的我﹐懂得向我發問不同的問題來替我分析我這天最缺少的食物品種是哪一項﹐亦替我省下不少猶疑的時間。好姑娘的志願是當設計師﹐在咖啡店工作的目的也是為了儲錢報讀學費不菲的設計課程﹐誠心的祝福她能早日達成願望吧。

八號風神﹐來得真合時呢。這天心情挺懷﹐所以自個兒閉關﹐也是件好事。

昨天被一個我一直以為是好人的女同事狠狠的耍了。這年頭﹐真是人心難測。當然﹐這位女事主的人生歷連﹑工作經驗比小妹我多得多﹐要玩弄我﹐自然不費吹灰之力。

常常想﹐為何這些人並非修政治﹐但玩政治的方法卻如斯高明呢﹖卻原來﹐是我的根本邏輯搞錯了。這些人所鑽研的乃是科學化的“權術”﹐以及副修外語“攻心說話系”﹐而據我所知﹐母校香港大學﹐好像並未有相關的課程提供﹔此刻便即使欲進修﹐也不知該往哪兒去拿一份prospectus。

又輕了幾公斤。
但整個人看上去很不健康。
我指的是心理上。

想離開的原因﹐並非我不投入﹐是這個世界的運行法則- 尤其是弱肉強食這一環﹐教我看不過眼。

近日媽媽一直抱恙﹐為著無關痛痒的應酬而浪費了與她共渡生日的機會﹐真教人納悶。

KC開罪了我﹐路人皆知。可以的話﹐我多想當面賞他一個耳光﹐然後指著他的那一副臭嘴臉說一聲“in your face!”
但﹐這是個人主觀慾望。

然後﹐因為KC﹐作晚鬧得很不愉快。我很想灌醉自己﹐然後借酒行兇﹐然後﹐哼哼... ~  最後不但醉不了﹐還弄得滿身通紅。雖然革命尚未成功﹐至少達成了一半目的- 也就是向周太宣泄﹐即intimidation 裡 alarm的效果﹐倒也不錯。

世界真細小小小﹐這世界卻偏充斥著很多小朋友﹐當真光怪陸璃。把自己吃不到的葡萄說成是酸的﹐本來也傷不到旁人﹔但有些人卻要連吃葡萄的人也一拼批判。我當真不明白﹐你既然認為葡萄是酸的﹐那麼那個吃葡萄的傢伙所吃的也頂多是一顆酸葡萄吧﹖這有甚麼好批判的﹖ 無私顯見私﹐這其實更證明你這位小朋友氣量不夠之余更加是技不如人﹐衰多兩錢重。

想溝鬼佬﹖返去讀多兩年英文先啦﹗衛斯理學院畢業﹖超。

半醉之間﹐在吧台跟一名阿富汗client 討論銀行業務走勢。對他的負面評語﹐深感不是味兒不能認同。總覺得﹐商界所給于我的虛榮感﹐比十個盛智文compliments加起來的總和更加讓人鼓舞。

虛榮 vs mace of honour。真真假假﹐不過是錢幣的兩面。

我﹐兩者都貪慕。

在一個過份壓抑的環境裡活膩了﹐腦筋會變得不靈活。但﹐這也未必會對我那片單純的心境構成甚麼大的影響。

言而﹐當看盡了形形式式局限於表面上的所謂班爛絢麗以後﹐就開始反思﹐去到最後的結局﹐跟當初所憧景的﹐會否有偏差。

或許﹐世上真的有人願意為五萬﹑八萬元的薪酬而淪為奴才。又或許﹐他們當初的想法﹐跟當天的我也很類近。在這裡﹐每一個人都是為上級服務。在下屬面前呼喝裝官樣﹐看見上級﹐便頓時變臉﹐順服得像綿羊﹐忠誠得像家犬﹐兩者相加﹐造就出一種叫官宦的半生物。

有人跟我說﹐這就叫做紀律。忽然想起﹐曾經有人經常說我欠缺紀律。或者﹐套用在這個場合﹐這樣形容會更為貼切些。

早知道想在這樣一個環境“盡展所長﹑貢獻社會”﹐就如同痴人夢囈﹔但年輕的心就是蠢蠢欲動想去放手試一次。

現在﹐可好﹖

心裡面一直有數把聲音在擾恙。我何嘗不知道所謂權力核心就應當是這樣子﹖一邊想要接近這核心﹐一邊想耍清高﹐另一把聲音卻在不斷反問自己- 都走到這一步了﹐值得嗎﹖

活在這片大觀園當中﹐一切都不由自主。耳語間的蜚短流長﹑耳濡目染﹐見識到權力﹐不論多寡﹐均足以令人徹底腐化。而眼前唯一可肯定的是﹐再繼續沉淪下去﹐我一直忍以為傲的那一丁點獨立思維﹐必然會遭受蠶食。

到時候﹐得到了partially想要的﹐卻失去了majority的自己。也是這個問題- 值得嗎﹖

記得當日﹐我說過我不會被“經濟/物質上的利益”而局限我的思路。一轉頭﹐所說的“當日”﹐原來已成為歷史了。

http://www.hmv.com.hk/product/dvd.asp?sku=33887

不過最好有人送

唔想玩。
真係唔想玩喇﹗﹗﹗﹗﹗

http://blog.absolutearts.com/blogs/archives/00000305.html

Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word

If you lack this, get a publisher. It's that simple. Either you possess it like you possess artistic talent, or you don't. Ambition is not a technique you can study to improve upon. It's either or it's not simple as that. It's an innate trait built into your DNA. Yes, we all have it to some extent, but you know what I'm talking about the burning desire to enjoy success and be somebody come hell or high water. ?Barney Davey

I swear this guy took the words straight from my mouth. "Come Hell or high water" is my trademark. ?EC Stewart

There will always be a line between what is considered ine art?and what is not and what is considered useum quality?and what is not. I previously blogged here about posterity versus prosperity and the difficulties encountered by artists who dare to have it all. It interesting how some artists are seen as greedy and too commercial when others who are baldly and openly ambitious are celebrated. Fame is fickle, there is no denying that. One thing those useum bound?artists and those who are stuck doing shows like ArtExpo New York have is they are all ambitious.

To a degree, ambition helps some artists separate themselves from the pack when talent alone would not. How often do we witness artists with far less talent and far more ambition than most climb to the top of the heap? That is not to say some of the most talented haven received appropriate accolades; they have. Still worthy others lacking good fortune or ambition or both remain in the grey abyss of the unknown artist.

There is no scientific method measuring talent or ambition. Yet, even casual observers have no trouble recognizing either attribute. When you find ample quantities of both in the same person, likely only bad luck or adversity keeps that person from enjoying great success. Find someone lacking in either, especially ambition and they may be living the life of the starving artist, or hobbyist artist.
Speaking of ArtExpo, it was recently announced by show management that the Decor Expo component was moving out of the Javits Center in Manhattan to the Baltimore Convention Center. Further, the dates for the latter show are now slated for April. This is not a good development for the art tradeshow scene.

The synergy of having the two shows running concurrently in New York was what helped make both shows successful for nearly 30 years. I wrote about this in detail on my Amazon blog. I mention it here because I was reminded recently when I saw the Picture Framing and Art Industry Event Calendar published by Vivian Kistler.

Vivian is a dynamo who has been conducting educational workshops and seminars for galleries and picture framers since the 1980s. If you haven seen her speak, youe missed a great opportunity to learn valuable information about running a gallery or picture framing shop. Go to her site www.columbapublishing.com for an idea of what she does.

What strikes me when I view the Event Planner is the lack of tradeshow opportunities for fledgling artists and art publishers. The tradeshow circuit is where most of the successful artists and publishers in the print business learned the tricks of the trade. They learned from their customers and each other.

At one point, not that long ago, there were eight Decor Expo, nee ABC shows, two PPFA shows, two or three ArtExpo shows available to help promote the wholesale art and picture framing business to the retail base. That dynamic is gone. What is left is a question mark. Getting one art to market has always been difficult, but at least the roadmap was fairly well defined. These days, it takes more pioneering than ever to figure out how to make a go of it.

Imports, the Internet and big boxes are roiling the retail base. How an artist navigates the current situation is the subject of another blog, or book for that matter. But one thing will be constant regardless of the terrain needed to travel to destination success and that is ambition.

1. 你講野唔經大腦。咩叫“講一套做一套”﹖你得罪緊你老闆你知唔知呀﹖真係唔休做﹖

2. 你呀媽係咪痴線架﹖

關我呀媽咩事呀﹖﹖﹖﹖﹖﹖﹖﹖﹖﹖﹖﹖﹖

唔知KC有意定無意﹐係咁repeat “想要有突破﹐就要先比allowance自己去退步”﹐妖... 如果你係有野想同我講既﹐不如講白d啦﹖

話說﹐老細放工時間又召左我入房。
今次唔係插我attitude, 而係...

話我肥...

本來﹐internal policy既野唔應該post出黎...

不過﹐以下呢段對話... 其實係涉及人身攻擊多過policy...

所以﹐為左宣泄滿腹既無奈同怨屈... verbatim victim (aka myself) statment 如下。

Boss: 你話我知﹐點解我要見你呀﹖
na: sorry sir! 我唔知道...
Boss: 我想插你好耐架喇。由星期二嬲到我而家﹗
na: sorry sir!
Boss: 你睇下你自己﹖你究竟有無擺過effort嚮training度架﹖
na: 有﹐ sir!
Boss: 我要你put in effort﹐唔係淨係讀書既effot﹐而係所有野你都要比effort!
na: 呀sir... 我...
Boss: 你話我聽你effort夠唔夠丫﹖你自己話丫﹖
na: sorry sir!
Boss: 我唔係要聽sorry sir﹐你話我知你自己覺得夠定唔夠﹖
na: sorry sir...
Boss: 你知唔知我覺得你完全無減過磅呀﹗而家係咪覺得讀書ok就可以pay less effort in other training aspects﹖
na: no sir! sorry sir!
Boss: 我嚮運動上面完全見唔倒你有effort﹐你完全demonstrate唔倒比我睇你有effort﹗點解可以無減過磅架﹖放工有去無跑步﹖
na: no sir! 跑得唔夠﹐sir! sorry sir!
Boss: 你自己知啦﹐我唔希望要踢你一踢你先郁一郁。咁大個人要自己有motivation去remind自己你想achieve d乜。你想achieve乜野呀﹖
na: 想畢業﹐實淺理想﹐sir!
Boss: 想有乜野用﹖我都想做李家誠唔使做呀。係咪想就得呀﹖如果你鐘意繼續想但係又唔比effort﹐咁我唔該你即刻返hostel打辭職信resign算喇。你係咪要咁呀﹖
na: no, sir! sorry sir!
Boss: 唔係既話咁你要點呀﹖
na: 我會 pay maximum effort in 運動 and all other training aspects, sir!
Boss: Good. fine.有無覺得我鬧錯你怪錯你﹖你自己有無defence要澄清呀﹖
na: no sir!
Boss: 好。你知己知自己事呀﹐我唔想再嚮咁既circumstances下再叫你入黎我office呀﹐得唔得﹖
na: yes sir!

唉~ (其實﹐我已經係一眾女同事之中最肯跑的那個了...)

真無陰公... 我老細嚮我老闆面前成日又讚我聰明轉數高架﹔但當住我面就淨係板起副老細款...

role play既野... 我明白遊戲規則﹐唔表示我enjoy。其實... 你真係覺得我會因為比你照完肺之後我就可以即刻有motivation去突破自己咩﹖唔好玩啦... 你太低估我既反叛(同埋反智)程度喇。

咩野叫effort唔夠先?
半年了。總覺得... 我入錯左行。自問﹐對training既投入程度﹐self discipline﹐motivation... 真係好有限。而我勤力既程度... 同以前份工比﹐亦差得遠。(當然... 亦好懷念返工hea到痴線既日子﹐哈哈)
點解﹖
因為而家太多constrains﹐個人太抑壓囉。我可是一隻自由既雀仔呀﹗
而錢﹐又比唔倒motivation我... (係串架喇﹐吹呀﹖)

我係一個鐘意比人讚﹑被recognize既人。(也可以說是自大吧﹖)
自從老細放完假返黎之後﹐一個星期例排兩次捉我上office召肺...
正面睇﹐係recognize我先會咁做﹔

但係佢所用既方法﹐錯晒囉~﹗

講開肥﹐分享下一條O嘴 interview question﹐事發時我諗我有70kg~

part 1) interviewer:"how would you comment on the strict requirement of discipline in our organisation? "

part 2) interviewer:"is there any relation between physical fitness and self-discipline?"

part 3) interviewer:"according to your previous answers about discpline and physical fitness, how would you comment on your attitude towards self-discipline with regard to your personal state of fitness?"

聽日... 要同呢個interviewer 一齊跑馬拉松...
係有心要做charity野既﹐點解唔搞四川震災籌款﹖

Bureaucracy﹐真係多鬼余。
(看在increment 份上﹐我唔會elaborate呢句話。xp )
一個自由人﹐竟然搞到無左自我。
其實比我上倒位又點呢﹖
可能都已經唔係當初壯志雄心﹐有理想﹑愛做夢既自己。

我好想保留那一丁點的individuality﹐可以嗎﹖
成長的路太過與別不同﹐無論走到那裡去都會別樹一幟。我唔係友心想標奇立異架。但係要我改呢﹐我又唔覺得自己有唔著既地方呀。
老細buy in 我既hard skills 同independent thinking﹐但係唔見得好尊重囉。無非都係講緊要起用一個識用英文流暢表達官方立場既人遮。你地請部快譯通返黎做唔好﹖
有無可能有一個工作環境係可以包容倒我既性格而唔require 我去 assimulate (or so call "remedy") 既呢﹖

有0既。

到我唔do那一日...

成長﹑入世﹑苦惱﹑掙扎﹐究竟該何去何從﹖

政 府 突 收 屯 門 地 建 國 際 學 校 ?
十 字 路 會 面 臨 遭 逼 遷?

http://appledaily.atnext.com/template/apple/art_main.cfm?iss_id=20080512&sec_id=4104&subsec_id=11867&art_id=11095616