今天我一早起來回到教會,奇妙的事,我走到座位,遇到叫我回教會的人 Cathy, 我心想:我真的辜負了她,她不知道我很耐沒回來了。聽到吳姑娘所說的話,讓我明白人生都有低潮,主不是叫我們"算吧,就是這樣。"卻叫我面對困難的時候,鼓勵我去努力面前,凡事都有轉機。她提到我受到感動的一段經文,面對周遭事情都是不好的景況,憑主耶和華的力量,什麼都能作。CN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: green; FONT-FAMILY: PMingLiU">我向神禱告,神呀,我遇到很大的困難,"我唔能夠再包容他,他讓我很擔心,他的衝動,魯莽,任性,計較,再一次破壞大家的關係。我覺得我自己有錯,應該唔舒服都要扮冇事,有什麼不滿都應該唔講,明知道我任何不滿,他會作出衝動的行為。他好像小孩一樣,做出這樣的動作,讓媽媽去注意,關心佢。說出輕生的話,做出危險的事,祈盼有人去原諒自己。對我來說,係一種負擔,係一份壓力,仲有一種很強的副面情緒。因為我的說話,終於他說了一句"xx",我是不敢說的話,不過出自他的口。事實我真係有一點不開心,只係適應期吧。一個人我都習慣了。又可以同w仔去吃飯,飲wine,食盡周圍的美食,總算都不錯。

"人生有幾多個十年",最近很多人都掛係口邊,

而我而過了幾個之後,我都知道頭幾個都幾重要,

我曾經看過一套電影,叫"二十,三十,四十",講述不同階段女人的心聲,開始的二十歲,她的性格部分有點像自己,三十的那段,當時我想:我真的不想以後會這樣。

我現在我仍可以做什麼呢?  為理想,為........

十年....很快會過...我找不到我的安樂點.我找不到一個家的男主人..那應該給自己一個機會吧,去完成自己的心願。

放棄我的買樓大計,鼓起勇氣去放開所有....

曾經戀愛大過天,曾經不惜任何代價去愛一個人,曾經做了比豬更愚蠢的事,曾經放棄生命中最重要的人,曾經任性到無可救藥,曾經令一個人很傷心,曾經玩到天黑都不回家。曾經....實在太多。我都明白我已用盡過去給我最好的事,最好的人,最好的機會。是時候叫我去磨練下,要成熟o的。

我好清楚發生什麼事,一直去逃避,不是辦法。

面對一個又一個叫我去放棄,明知自己改變不了事實。

又或者俾一個機會去嘗試,去找尋自己。

回憶起曾經一個我愛o既人,俾左九年時間給我,讓我過得很快樂。)到左依家,我找不到了"快樂",你叫我做事正面,認真,細心,溫柔,努力,有愛心,沒有計較,謹慎。我學懂了一部份。我已經有了成績了,如果你知道的話,你一定會讚我。

我最愚蠢的是.....你都知道,好想告訴你,我比以前更冷靜,更charm,我唔開心的時候,你就跟我說故仔...又講道理,多謝你令我快樂過,不想為難我,選擇讓我好受一點。

Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight the withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan
Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
It was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too
And the new day will begin
Burnt out ends of smokey days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies
Another night is over
Another day is dawning
Touch me
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my day in the sun
If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is
Look a new day has begun
Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
It was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

CLOSED

其實他昨晚說這番話令我感到不知所措,他問我呢個好早之前,

我已經想過,係咪因為一個人少少生活習慣的缺點,令我唔想同呢一個一起呢?

答案已經一早就有了。到左現在他才去問,我感到好頭痛。

我正努力去維繫大家的關係,

第一”唔想因為我的工作或情緒,令到大家唔好受。”

第二,”儘量去激發他存在o既能力,可以成為一個有自信,有能力,可以保護到身邊o既男人”

第三,”去包容他的缺點,令他知道他的”老實面貌”,會讓身邊o既人好難受。

 在他眼中,我可能是一個好嚴o既人。不過我都唔知道我們可以維繫多久….

天天面對工作,工作人事上的問題,我自己的位置都站得不好,很難受。

有時,同事們找我來出氣,出email來針對,又或者想用他們的怒氣大去滋擾我,

用唔禮貌的態度去”hot”我,大力去拍及放電話,大聲說話,講粗口,去滋擾我同其他人去講電話,

用”有骨的說話”來話我,”啞人”,”臭xx”, “自閉”等等

 對我來說,我只能扮無反應,只要我咁樣,他們又可以對我怎樣呢?

 面對仍要面對,對住其他人,做番有愛心,會關心別人,helpful,又何必對住呢兩個人的事去同他講,

很辛苦上了另一個位置,不單只能力我可以勝任,EQ要有一定忍耐力。

感情上,我都好想有期望。有時,我會想他都未好好照顧自己,我仲俾o的困難給他,只會令他失控。其實我都掛住他,唔通話俾佢知,明知他正努力他的工作同考試,呢o的都唔算體諒,包容嗎? 有時我真係覺得他係唔知...定唔理...定...

天天有人陪下我,聽我講野,得閒講笑俾我聽,又或者講下新knowledge,同我去下旅行,食下野,玩下水,溫柔o的拖住我,攬下我,我都想….看來只會發夢才出現了。

Today I left office very ealrier. After that, I ran around 45 minutes and thinking of bypass. I remembered that my friends accompany to run twice a week and brought a bottle of drink after exercise. Until now, I run alone and see a football match. Thinking of someone like football and want to see him again during football match. I understand time not allowing me to wait anymore. Summer is coming, I must keep fit with good health that I can play more outdoor activities. My target is "Can Swim" in this year. Without him, I believe that i can learn by myself and not afraid anymore.

After Easter Holidays, I release from the bad emotion.

Discussed with my friend today, I lost my direction and goal for last several months. What am I looking for?

I look forward to seeing my "Happy" Life and finding someone to be my long-life partner.

Yesterday i read magazine talking about working holidays in overseas. I am very interested to participate it, and hoping it will be my part of experience in my life. 

"Dream" & "Hope", are they realistic?

In my teenage time, I had courage to do everything...what do i worry right now? Job, money, family,...i don't think so....

Seeing him via MSN again..i want to start conversation with him, but i think that my style is cool instead of passion. So i don't do this.

I understand something i lose, means lose feelings towards him..

Recently I love wine & champagne, because i met with my friend to enjoy "Happy Friday" with luxury  bar or lounge. 

Relaxing without grievance and negative emotion. Now I am finding course for wine to learn origin country of wine and how to prounce the words.

Troubles, grievance and unhappy, don't follow me again......